PS 635 
.29 

S454 
Copy 1 



PLAYS EXCHANGED 

WER'3 Edition 
or Pl7\y3 



At Hotel On-De-Blink 



Price, 15 cents 



B. m» Plnero's Plays 

Price, SO 0etit$ €acD 



THF A M A 70N^ Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five fe- 
lfir< AlTlricjVflliJ niales. Costumes, modern; scenery, not 
difficult. Plays a full evening. 

THE CABINET MINISTER ^Sl 'C,J°"fe„,t?2; Sf 

tumes, modeiE 30ciety; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

nANFlY ni/^ff Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- 
l/rllii/l l/l'L«iv males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two inte- 
riors. Plays two hours and a half. 

Till? r* AV f flUFi niTFY Comedy ill Four Acts. Fourmales, 
iriEi UAl L.Ui\l/ V£tlLiA ten females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. 

UTQ UfllTQS IM AI>ni7D Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, 
niO nUUiJ£. 11^ UI^UEilV four females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE" HrtRRV WrfeDQI? Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, 
in£i llKJDDl nXJlXDL, live females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. 

TnfO Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, 
llvlij modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

I AFiY RnnMTIFIIT Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven 
Lirli/1 D\/LillirULi females. Costumes, modern; scen- 
ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. 

I FTTY ^'"•'^™a i^ Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five 
MuLil I I females. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. 
Plays a full ^vening. 

THF M \ * 'I^TR ATF Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, 
llli^.iy#i-«.'aliJilV/^li:i four females. Costumes, modern; 
scenery,* ah interior. Plays two hours and a half. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

l^alter ^. Pafecr & Companp 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



At Hotel On-de-Blink 



An Entertainment in Two Parts 



By 
GEORGE P. SEILER 

.Author of** Schmerecase in School" eiu 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1916 



At Hotel On-de-Blink 



CHARACTERS 

{As originally cast) 



Hans Seitz, not proprietor ; he " owns der blace " 

Mr. Jno. Welker 

Gretch, his daughter, " I bane link " . . Miss Katie Siren 
Samp L. Case, a knight of the road . . . Mr. Chas. Huth 
Antonio Bootlashoesa Morecheesa, a lost dago . Mr. Seller 
\NK]i]LRYiEi.TiS, of darker hue . . Mr. Calvin Helmke 

Rusty Ruffles, no account; " in-cog" . . Mr. Paul Stuart 

Bell Hop, the wise kid My. Edw. Luft 

Miss GoTKo:^, one of the boarders . . . Miss Olga Tate 
AKCni^Ai.u^\5TT, mother s pet . . . . Mr. Gus Duble 



PROPERTIES 

Newspaper on counter. Lamp on counter — lighted. Grip for 
S. L. Case to carry. Baby — big doll— for Gretch to fetch on. 
Place signs about : 

" Tripe, 5c. a yard ; 3 ft. for a nickel." 
" Board, 5c. a foot." 
" Eye scream, loc. a porchun." 
" Eggs, I month or younger, 2c. each." 
Etc., etc., etc. 




Copyright, 1916, by Walter H. Baker «& Co. 

Jl)L2419lP«D 44455 



COSTUMES 

Hans Seitz. Suit much too large, very loose collar, small tie, 
red handkerchief. Made up partly bald head, Dutch chin whis- 
kers. Wears glasses. Character very good when played by a 
very stout person. 

Gretch. Dutch basque costume. Black basque, red skirt, 
white apron, white cap and stockings, black shoes. Wear hair 
braided down back in two plats. Should be made up ruddy com- 
plexion and use brogue throughout. 

Samp L. Case. Every day business (loud) suit. Made up 
healthy, clean shaven. Carries grip. 

Antonio Bootlashoesa Morecheesa, of the lower class 
Italian. Old coat, slouch hat, much worn. Pants too large in 
waist. Old shoes. Made up ohve complexion, ten day growth 
beard. 

Weber Fields, the typical lazy darky. Large mouth. Wears 
blue shirt, old pants and shoes. 

Rusty Ruffles, the characteristic tramp life. Old clothes, a 
piece of hat, short, stumpy beard. 

Bell Hop. Regulation hop uniform. 

Miss Gotrox. A seashore beauty. Dressed all in white. 
Carries sunshade. Dainty and incHned to flirt. 

Archibald Nutt, the effemins^te variety. Ruddy complexion, 
sport shirt open far down in front, red tie. White trousers, soxand 
shoes. Must be played sissyfied and affected to be effective. 



Programme 



Hotel On-de-Blink 



Part the First 
Scene - - Lobby of the hotel " On-de-Blink." 
Grand Olio 

Song - - Italy - - Mr. Seller 

Song - - Cover Your Garbage Can - - - - Mr. Helmke 

Song - - Can I Trust You In the Same Old Way - Mr. Huth 

Song - - Vould dot Tickle Der Kaiser - - - Mr. Welker 

Song - - Rat-proofing New Orleans Mr. Stuart 

Intermission. 



Part the Second 

Scene - - The same. 

Olio 

Song - - Roll on Beautiful World Miss Tate 

Song - - The Little Old Ford Rambled On - Mr. Helmke 
Song - - You Couldn't Hardly Notice It at All - Miss Siren 
Song - - When You Wore a Tulip - - Mr. Welker assisted 

Quartette - Selected airs - - Finale 

Welker, Huth, Helmke, Seiler 



At Hotel On-de-Blink 



SCENE I. — An interior, full depth of siage. Doors L. c, in 
flat, R. I E., R. 2 E., L. I E., and L. 2 E. A counter runs 
along the back from right wall to c. , a7id there is a chair 
up L., on the other side of the door at back. Between 
doors R. I E. and r. 2 e. there is a hat-rack, and at 
L. c, half-way down stage ^ there is another seat. 

(Discover Hans Seitz and Gretch as curtain rises. Hans 
walking about excitedly and Gretch straightening things 
out about the counter.) 

Hans. Vere iss id ? Vere iss id ? For vy you don't sbeak, 
shut up, talk louder, don't say a vord? (Pause.) Veil? 

Gretch. Vass iss, fader ? Vy dot excitement ? Vot you 
lose I bane like to know ? 

Hans. Ach himmel, I lose my mind und you don't look 
for id. 

Gretch. You lose your mind from der head oud ? I bane 
tink ven any one loses der mind dey don't find it so easily. 
Vere iss der boarders ? 

Hans. Vot boarders ? I never see any boarders. 

Enter Samp L. Case, c, with grip. 

Case. Is this a hotel ? 
Hans. Does id look like a livery stable ? 
Case. Not exactly ; but you look something like a brewery. 
I want a room. 

Hans. Dot's all right ; register right here. 

{Offers pen, etc.) 

Case. Register? I haven't paid my poll tax yet. 

Hans. As long as you pay your bill here, I don't care. 
Wrote id down here. (Case writes. Hans looks at signa- 
ture.) Samp L. Case, vot's in er name? 

5 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 



Case (^picking up grip). Nothing in this one. 

Hans. Den you pays in advance, blease. 

Case. In advance ; why ? 

Hans. Didn't you say dere vas noding in der case? 





(Points to grip?) 








Case. 


Oh, I meant in the name. This grip 


is full. 




Hans. 


Fullof vot? 








Case. 


Full of cough. 








Hans. 


Den cough up. 








Case. 


But see here, are you going 


to give me a bath, 


too? 


Hans. 


You take the bath yourself. 


Gretch • 






Gretch. Yah. I bane here. 









Hans. Show der gentlemens to room 66 
Gretch. Yah. 



\_Exit, R. I e. 

Enter Antonio Bootlashoesa Morecheesa, d. c. 



Tony. 

Hans. 

Tony. 

Hans. 
name? 

Tony. 

Case. 
name? 

Tony. 

Hans. 



'At's da madda? 
Br-br-r-r. Vot you vant ? 

Dees-a — dees-a 

No, diss is der tohel — I mean hotel. Vot's your 



'At's da madda ? 
The old gent don't 



understand. What's 



your 



Antonio Bootlashoesa Morecheesa. 

Got in himmel, he gifs us his family history. 

Case {to Tony). Now, wait, don't say it so fast. The old 
gent here, he is the proprietor, you know. 

Hans. No, I don't. I owns der blace. 

Case. Well, you see, he owns the hotel. He wants your 
name right. Tell him slow. 

Tony. Antonio. 

Case {writing ). Now wait till I get that. All right. 

Tony. Bootlashoesa. 

Case. Who ? What the ding ding ? 

Tony. Bootlashoesa. 

Case. Oh, I see. Boots and shoes. ( Writes.^ All right. 

Tony. Morecheesa. 

Case {aside). You look like a cheese, too. 

Hans. Ach du lieber, vot a name. 

Case. Say, suppose we call you Tony Cheese for short? 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 7 

Tony. Al-a-right. Al-a-same ting. 

Hans. Veil, vot iss id you vas looking for? 

Tony. Ma brudder Morecliessi. 

Hans. Your biudder's a cheese, too? {Tony nods.') Vere 
helifs? 

Tony {iiaming local street with car line of the same name). 
Tree-a-six-ateen {jiajjie street). 

Hans. You can't find him? 

Tony. Shure. I see ma brudder' s house mark-a tree-a-six- 
ateen. One-a man on -a front, one man on-a back. Son-a-ma 
gum, firs' ting I-a know, da house move off. I tell-a heem, 
meester, meester, stop-a queek-a, ma brudda's house run away. 

Case {laughing). Didn't you know that was a street car? 

Tony. Street car? Leesien. I came-a here by-a da train. 
Dees-a train gotta a green -a flag on da back. What's a mean 
da green flag ? 

Case. Well, that means there's another one coming right 
behind. 

Enter Gretch, carrying baby wearing green cap. Crosses 
stage and exits. 

Tony {pointing to baby). Look-a, meester. Leetla baba 
gotta green cap. Meen-a all same ting like-a train ? 

Hans. You vant id a room here? 

Tony. In-a dees place ? 

Hans. In diss hotel, iff you blease. 

Case. Give him a suite of rooms. 

Hans {bewildered). Sweet rooms? 

Case. That's what I said. 

Hans {undertone to Case). Subbose I put der floor mit 
molasses ? 

Enter Gretch, d. c. 

Gretch. Fader, dere iss id a letter for you. I bane tink it 
iss goot news. 

Hans {taking letter). Goot news ? I bet diss hotel to a 
beanut dot id iss anodder bill. {Opens letter and reads.) 
Hooray, Gretch, look vot id iss. {Reads from letter.) " Hotel 
*On-de-Blink ' : Gents, der Gount de Slob iss draveling in-cog, 
und vill stop at your hotel. Blease commoderate him." 
{Lays letter on desk.) I vant to ask you someding. 

Case. All right. Fire away. 



8 AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

Hans. Vot kind of a machine iss dot in-cog ? 

Case. Machine ? 

Hans. Yah ; dot letter says he iss draveling in-cog. Don't 
dot iss id a machine ? 

Case. No, no. That means that he is in disguise. 

Hans. Oh, ho, den dere iss no cogs, eh ? {E?iter Rusty 
Ruffles unobserved by others and reads letter, pantomiming 
that the idea of impersofiating the cou?it has occurred to him. 
Exits y D. c. Hans, during above action by Ruff.) Here 
you, Dony Bootchee. 

Tony. 'At's da madda ? 

Hans. How's your fadder ? 

(Tony looks bewildered.) 

Case {to Tony). He means how is the old man ? The big 
boot — your relation. 

Tony. Aha, yes, I'm related to him by er — what — you call 
marriage. 

Case. Are you married, Tony ? 

Tony. Yes. I'm-a married. 

Case. Any children? 

Tony. 'At'sadat? 

Case. Any little boots running around ? 

Tony. No, no boots, no boots. {Pause.) Shoes. 

Case. Oh, I see ; all little. All living ? 

Tony. No, buried one alive. 

Case. Buried one alive ? Lord, that's terrible. 

Hans. Veil, id iss no joke to be buried dead either. 

{Song—To^\.) 
Enter Weber Fields, followed by Ruff. 

Weber. Right dis-a-way, Count, right dis-a-way. (Hans 
makes a dash to get behind counter as Ruff, enters pomp- 
ously.) I reckon dis is de place. {Turns to Hans.) Is 
diss de Hotel '' On-de-Blink " ? 

Hans. Yah, you iss id correct. 

Weber {aside). Dat's what hit looks like. {To Hans.) 
Well, dis yer is de Count de Slob. {Aside.) As no 'count as 
dey come. 

(Hans and Ruff, bow low to each other.) 

Ruff. Delighted. 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 9 

Hans. Gentlemen, diss iss id der Gount de Slob. (Case 
and Tony give Ruff, disgusted looks.) Der gentleraens has 
came a long vay. A long chourney. Iss diss ^pointing to 
Weber) your vallet? 

Ruff. Yes, sir ; dat's me valet. 

Weber {aside). En de hungriest nigger yo' ever seed. 

Ruff. Yes, gentlemen, we have just came from Alaska. 

Weber {aside). I hope dey don't asks where it is. 

Hans. Ach, dot moost be cold up dere, don't id ? 

Ruff. Everything frozen. 

Weber. Not everything. 

Ruff. Everything, I said. I'd like to know what you ever 
saw that would not freeze ? 

Weber. Hot water. 

Case {reading paper). Landlord, I see here a notice that 
John Smith had died and was buried yesterday. What John 
Smith was that ? 

Weber. De one in de hearse. 

Hans. Yah, I vent by der funeral too. Everyding vas 
vite. Vite goffin, vite hearse, und all der drimmings. 

Case. Sure, white is the color of purity. It is also the 
color of beauty. 

Ruff. Of course; dat's why all brides dress in white. 
White ! Why, man, dat is de color of joy. Ain't her weddin' 
de mostest joyous occasion of a woman's life ? 

Weber. Aha ; dat's why all de grooms dress in black. 

Ruff. Do you know that a terrible thing happened to me 
last week one night ? I was making a strategic retreat from a 
dance. I had the misfortune to rip my trousers. Just as I 
was going round the corner I see a sign in a tailor's window. 
It read : Reveal yourself through your clothes. 

Weber. Did you go back to the dance ? 

Case. Talking about women, we've got them beat all hol- 
low. They have no pockets to put their hands in. 

Hans. Say, you vasn't married, vas you ? 

Bell Hop {entering r. i e.). Sir, Miss Gotrox reports that 
the keyhole in her door is broken. 

Hans. Tell her I vill look into it to-night. 

Hop. Yes, sir. [Exit^ r. i e. 

Ruff. Landlord, I would like some nice roast beef. 

Hans. Ve are yoost oud of roast beef, Gount, bot ve haf id 
some nice bork. 

Ruff. No ; no pork, thank you. 



lO AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

Weber {aside). No, he's been on de hog long enuf. 

Ruff. Landlord, how about some fine fruit? By the way, 
in Seattle, last week, 1 ate some fine fruit that was delicious. 
I don't remember its name, but it begins with " K." 

Tony. Carrots ? 

Hans. Ach himmel, don't you know dot carrots begins 
mit ''Q"? 

Case. Was it crabapples ? 

Hans. Vot's der matter mit you ? Crabapples is a fish. 

Weber. War hit ketchup? 

Ruff. Catsup, my boy, is a desert. 

Hans. I bet id vas krapes. 

Ruff. Right you are, old top, right you are. 

Case. Grapes don't begin with '' K." 

Hans. Sure id iss. {Spells.} K-P-W-kerfluie. 

Ruff, {slapping Case on the back). Aha, my boy. That 
got your goat. 

Weber. Got hisn goat is right. The goat is de most 
wunnerful insect dat swims on de land. It comes in fifty-seven 
varieties. Angora goats, Irish goats, goat-tees, lodge goats, 
political goats, and others. 

{Song by Weber.) 

Hop {entering r. i e.). The cook is complaining that you 
paid him off with dirty money. He says that he wants clean 
money. 

Hans. Yah, for vy ? 

Hop. Well, he says he doesn't want any microbes on his 
salary. 

Hans. Go tell him a microbe couldn't live on his salary. 

\_Exit Hop, r. i e. 

Weber. Say, Tony, dat's a beautiful fitting suit you 
have on. 

Tony. 'At's da madda? Dees-a suit made by-a London 
tailor. 

Weber. I thought so. Those London tailors couldn't make 
a coat of paint fit a hen-coop. 

Hop {coming to door excitedly). Sir, there's a big accident 
down at the corner. 

Hans. Yah ? Vass iss ? 

Hop. An aviator killed a cow. {Runs off.) 

Ruff, {as all start to run off). Hold on, gentlemen. 
What's the use of going ? The aviator is not guilty. 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK II 

Case. Of course he is. 

R.UFF. No, no. I'll bet my eye-tooth against a square meal 
that the cow failed to blow her horn. 

Tony {to Weber, who has posed rather sullenly). 'At's 
da madda ? 

Weber {^stepping over Case's grip). I'se jes' gittin' over 
de grip. No, I'll tell you. Ma gal's daddy give her an 
automobile. 

Case. Well, what's that got to do with your being sick? 

Weber. Well, dat gal jes' loves dat machine to deaf; she 
ain't got no time fer me. 

Ruff. Gentlemen, there's another instance where man is 
being replaced by machine. 

Case. Man is little more than a monkey, anyhow. 

Hans. Yah ? ^ Und how's dot ? 

Case. Haven't you read Darwin's work ? 

Weber {aside). No, but I've seen ma jaws work. 

Ruff. No, sir, I've never read anything but Scott's 
Emulsion. 

Case. Well, Darwin is the man who tried to prove that 
man is descended from a monkey. 

Ruff, {looking intently first at one then the other). Take 
Tony here for instance. Do you think he is descended from a 
monkey ? 

Weber. What's de matter wif you ? He never knew 
Tony's parents. 

{So7ig by Case.) 

Hop {heard reciting off Ti. l.). 

Mary had some chewing gum, 
She chewed it loud and slow ; 
And everywhere that Mary went 
That gum was sure to go. 

Case. That boy is some poet. 
Weber. He didn't finish. 
Case. Didn't he? 
Weber. No, listen. {Recites.) 

It followed her to school one day, 

Which was against the rule, 

The teacher took it away from her, 

And chewed hit after school. 



12 AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

Hans. Gentlemens, don't forgot dot ve turns off der gas in 
diss hotel at ten o'clock. 

Weber. Dat's what ma intended father-in-law tole me. 

Case. Told you what ? 

Weber. Dat he war goin' to turn off de gas at ten o'clock. 

Case. That means that you leave at ten o'clock after this. 

Weber. No, sir. Hit means that after this I calls at ten 
o'clock. 

Ruff. That's a poor excuse, don't you think? 

Weber. Hit's as good as the {iiame local police). 

Case. Didn't I hear you say that you were going to be 
married, Count? 

Ruff. You did. 

Case. Is the engagement broken ? 

Ruff. It is. 

Case. Did you break it ? 

Ruff. No. 

Case. The girl ? 

Ruff. No. 

Hans. Then who did ? 

Weber. Nobody. One night his gal tole him about de 
cost ob some ob her gowns. De engagement jes' sagged in de 
middle. 

Case. Why, you shouldn't have gotten afraid of talk. 

Ruff. No? Why? 

Case. Well, before I was married, my wife talked the same 
way. But now, — why, man, you never saw a more economical 
woman. She doesn't waste a thing. 

Ruff. Is that so ? 

Case. Why, sir, if it's edible, she uses it in hash ; if it 
isn't, she uses it for hat trimmings. 

Hans. Dot's a goot voman; do you remember her birth- 
days? 

Case. Sure ; the day before she puts a bunch of forget-me- 
nots by my plate. 

Ruff. Landlord, how about something to drink ? 

Hans. Yah, I got id some vitagraph vine. 

Case. Why do you call it vitagraph wine ? 

Hans. Ober ven you drink it, you see moving bictures. 

Weber. I bet dat's what made you drunk the other day. 

Hans. I vas nod drunk. 

Weber. Of course you were. 

Hans. I say I vas nod. 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 1 3 

Weber. Will you swear dat you were nod drunk ? 

Hans. Sure I vill. 

Weber. Hold up your right hand. (Hans holds up his 
left?) I said your right hand. 

Hans. Veil, ray right hand is on my left hand side. 

Hop {entering'). Sir, you have ordered "gold" soup for 
dinner. The cook wants to know how to make it. What he 
shall put into it ? 

Hans. Fourteen carrots. \_Exit Hop. 

{Song by Ruff. During song Weber turns up wick of oil 
lamp that has been burning on cou?iter utitil it smokes 
freely.) 

Case. Landlord, how old is that lamp you have on the 
counter ? 

Hans. Den years. 

Ruff. Well, put it out, landlord, it's too young to smoke. 

(Hans blows over the top so hard that Tony's hat blows off.) 

Tony {recovering hat). 'At's da raadda? Man-a gotta 
plenty puff. 

Case. Plenty puff? 

Tony. Yes-a plenty puff. Shoota plenty wind. 

Ruff. "Vox preterea nihil." 

Case. What's that? 

Weber. All hot air. 

Hans. Ach, dot hot air minds me of dose Durks in 
swimmin'. 

Case. Turks in swimming ? You mean a Turkish bath ? 

Hans. Yah, ach mine lieber gott. I had von once. De 
day I landed. 

Weber. Tell us about it. 

Hans. You see, I yoost landed from der boat off. Der 
first ting a fellow handed me a card und I don't know some- 
dings yet, so I gif me dot card to a bolicenian. He tells a 
schmall poy to come mit me und ve goes by dot blace on der 
card. Ach, a man dakes der card und shoves me inside. 
Anudder fellow tell me to remove mine clothes. Ven I gels 
dem off he shoves me into a room und — ach du lieber — I puts 
me mine foot on der floor und you bet I yump. I put me mine 
hand on der vail und ach, such a hotness. In a few minutes a 
fellow shouts by der door in: " Vas you sweating?" Ach 



14 AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

himmel, vas I sweating ? Ach himmel, I bet if I don't get out 
purty kervick I drip oud by der drain bipe. I feel I yoost 
like a sdreet sprinkler. Den dot fellow comes in und rubs me 
down mit a currycomb. Ven he had all der skin scrabed off, 
he says: <'Are you purty veil done?" I told him I don't 
know, take a fork und turn me over on der odder side. Den, 
oil, chee — he shoves me into a dank of ice varter. {Shivers.) 
Dot vas den year ago, und every time I dink about id 1 get der 
shakes. 

{dosing song by Hans.) 



CURTAIN 



SCENE II.— Same as in Scene I. 

(^Discover seated about stage all members thereon when first 
part closed and in same positions.) 

Hop (entering d. l.). Schultz, room fifty-nine says send 
him a pousse-cafe and charge it. 

Hans. Go back und tell him ve don't charge anything but 
storage batteries. \_Exit Hop. 

Ruff. Landlord, where's that fine little kitten you had the 
last time I was here-?. 

Hans. Veil — she 

Ruff. I hope you didn't poison her? 

Hans. No, you see she 

Case. Was she drowned ? 

Hans. No — she 

Tony. Somebody make-a steal ? 

Hans. No, you see 

Weber. Well, what de debil happened to her ? 

Hans. Vy, she growed into a cat. 

Weber. Dat's jes' de trouble wif women. 

Case. Do they grow into cats ? 

Tony. 'At's da madda ? You talk-a about da lady? 

Weber. Well, firs* dey is jes' spring chickens, den dey's suf- 
fragettes, den dey's get to be ole hens. 

Tony. You no like-a suffamayettes ? 

Weber. I should say not. 

Case. Why are you so set against suffragettes ? 

Weber. Why, man, women ain't got the intellectual habili- 
tation ter hash up de political problems ob state. Even we men 
don't know what we're talkin' 'bout half de time when we's dis- 
cussin' politics. 

Ruff. Whoopee, you shure is got some co-loboratory of 
words. I wonder if you could tell us de longest sentence in de 
English language ? It contains about one hundred and forty 
words. 

Weber. No, sir, dat's wrong. 

Case. How many words does it contain ? 

Weber. Only one. 



l6 AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

Hans. Only von ? Iss id dot you means to tell us dot der 
longest sentence of der language has only von vord in id ? 

Weber. I mean to expostulate dat de longest sentence in de 
world has only one word therein it. 

Case. And what's that ? 

Weber. Life. 

Enter Miss Gotrox ajw^Gretch, l. i. e. 

Hans {smiling and bowing). Aha, Miss Gotrox, you iss 
all dressed up now already yet. 

Miss G. Yes; do I look nice enough to go promenading? 

Hans. Ach, yes, I bane hke you all in vite. Vite hat, vite 
dress — vite shoes, vite sdockings. 

Gretch. I bane tink mosquitoes vould nod bite a lady ven 
she haf vite sdockings on. 

Case. You don't think so, why? 

Hans. Pecause all der mosquitoes ve haf around here iss 
gentlemens. 

Gretch. You bane going to der lecture. Miss Gotrox ? 

Miss G. What lecture ? 

Gretch. At der church. I bane tink der man iss going to 
sbeak on der subject of '' Favorite Hymns." 

Miss G. *' Favorite Hymns " ? Well, I'm not going to the 
lecture, but I'm hoping to meet my favorite him this evening. 

Ruff. Aha, there's where two is company. 

Weber. And three's a crowd. 

Hans. Ach, doss iss nicht recht. Dwo is matrimony, dree 
iss alimony. 

Case. You seem very much in love with the love man. 

Miss G. I am 

Case. Is he bashful, or is he — fast? 

Hans. He ain't fast mit his creditors. 

{Song.) 

Ruff. Are you going to marry the young man you spoke 
of. Miss Gotrox ? 

Miss G. If I can make him propose. 

Hans. You vass tinking of matrimony, den ? 

Miss G. Yes. 

Ruff. Have you had any experience with children ? 

Weber. What a foolish question. Wasn't she a child once 
herself ? 

Case. Has the young man any accomplishments ? 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 1 7 

Miss G. Well, he plays the piano very well. 

Gretch. I bane tink if dot biano could dalk, it vould say : 
You haf blayed me false. 

Hans. Gretch, you should nod sbeak dot way to Miss 
Gotrox. She iss a beautiful lady, und voman iss a great crea- 
tion. Vy — man has taken a voman's head to decorate our 
coin. 

Case. Yes, and the milliner has taken quite a few of my 
coins to decorate a certain woman's head. 

Miss G. Landlord, where is the nearest candy shop? 

Hans {thmking). Er — er — middle in der block. 

Case. Say, landlord, there's a hotel man down in New 
Orleans by the name of Seitz. Do you know him ? 

Hans. Might I do. Vot's his name? 

Gretch. I bane tink you use very little bowder, Miss 
Gotrox. 

Miss G. Why — yes, I do. But still I do use a little powder 
and cream. 

Case. That's strange. 

Miss G. What's strange ? 

Case. That you use very little. 

Ruff. What? Why, it seems to me that woman would 
sooner hear about the discovery of a new complexion cream 
than to learn of the invention of a torpedo-proof battle-ship. 

Miss G. Why, certainly. When this world comes to its 
senses, battle-ships will not be needed, but a good complexion 
will be more in demand than ever. 

Case. That may be true, but a sensible man would sooner 
have a woman just as nature meant her to be, without all that 
paint and powder. 

Miss G. Yes, but there seems to be very few sensible men. 
There is art in a good complexion. 

Case. And what art rivals nature? A little powder may 
change a complexion, but what art equals nature in her many 
changes ? Take a waterfall for instance ; how beautiful nature 
has made it, and then along comes winter and changes it into 
ice. What a remarkable change takes place. 

Weber {sighing). Ah me, dat's right : — 

When water is changed into ice. 
Note de remarkable change in price. 

Ruff. You shouldn't mind dat pessimist. Miss Gotrox ; he 
is always down in de mouth. 



l8 AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

Miss G. You shouldn't be that way. When you feel down 
in the mouth, think of Jonah ; he came out all right. 

Case. Miss Gotrox, what do you think Jonah thought 
when he found himself inside the whale ? 

Weber {internipiing). I bet he thought he went to sleep 
inside a foldin' bed en she closed up. 

Tony. 'At's da madda you? You make-a fuss alia time. 
You make-a fuss you no gotta fuss-a fuss about. 

Case. That's what 1 say, Tony. {To Weber.) How do 
you think men hve in a submarine ? 

Hans. Yah — dot's right; yoost tink of all der varter 
around dem. I bet many of dem dies vrom humidity. 

Ruff, {iiot comprehending). Humidity? Why — er — I 
thought de papers said it was from dyspepsia. 

Miss G. {she had been looking outside). I would like to go 
down town, but all the cars seem jammed. I wonder what 
makes them so crowded this evening. 

Weber. Beggin' your pardon. Miss, but I reckon hit's de 
number ob passengers dey's carryin'. 

{Song.) 

Enter Archibald Nutt. 

NuTT. Oh, Miss Gotrox, how delightfully lovely you look 
this eve. 

Weber {business of fainting, etc.). Oh, Elizabeth, the 
cook stewed the cat. 

Miss G. Why, Archie, I'm so glad to see you. How's 
mother ? 

Nutt. Why, I'm angry at my mother. 

Miss G. Angry at your mother? How terrible. Why so? 

Nutt. Why, mother wants me to come in at eight o'clock, 
and I'll do nothing of the kind. 

Miss G. You won't ? 

Nutt. No, I'll come in at five minutes past eight. 

Miss G. Oh, you shouldn't be so naughty. 

Nutt. Yes, I will — be very naughty. I'll go out with the 
boys and I'll smoke cigarettes and I'll use cuss words. 

Miss G. Oh, Archie, be careful. Remember you're in my 
company, and here is Mr. Case. I'm sure he doesn't use 
naughty words. 

Nutt. Well {pleasantly), if it will relieve you. Miss Got- 
rox, I'll promise not to teach him any. {Others give Case 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK I9 

the laugh. Nutt, haughtily.) Well, what are you laughing 
at, me? 

Ruff. Why, no, Genevieve. 

Nutt. Then what else is there around here to laugh at ? 

Miss G. Archie, I'm sure they would not laugh at you if 
they knew you were a historian. 

Case. Are you a historian ? 

Nutt {siniling). Uh-huh. 

Case. Well, there's something I have been trying to find 
out for a long time. Maybe you can tell me. What was 
Washington's Farewell Address ? 

Weber. Heaven. 

Nutt {screaming). Oh, you vulgar thing! 

Weber. Vulgar ? I thought that was well done. 

Hans. Yah, I bane tink dot vass doo veil done. 

Case. That's going a little too far. 

Miss G. Why, don't you believe in doing all things well? 

Case. Most assuredly. 

Ruff. Suppose you set out to make a fool of yourself? 

{Pause.^ 

Nutt. Oh, Weber, I've heard that your girl has a new 
auto. 

Weber. Did yuh ? 

Nutt. Uh-huh. Who drives it? 

Ruff. Nobody ; dey coaxes it. 

Nutt {to Miss G.). Do you know that Weber's intended 
father-in-law is the funniest little man you ever saw ? 

Miss G. Is that possible ? 

Nutt. And he has only one eye, too. 

Weber. Say, talkin' 'bout dat ole man. De odder day I 
had him out wif me an' I los' him in de crowd. I went up to a 
policeman and I axes him : " Hofficer, I'm looking for a little 
man wif one eye." What do you think dat ole fool tole me? 
He said : *' Mose, if he's so small, why don't you use two 
eyes?" 

Hop {entering l. i e.). Sir, a gentleman in the dining- 
room sends his compliments and says the steak he is eating is 
the first tender steak he has ever eaten here. 

Hans. Ach himmel — dot feller got mine steak. 

\^Exit Hop. 

Tony {tvho has been reading paper). Look-a dees. {Puz- 
zled.) 'At's a man-o'-war-ship? 



20 AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

Case. Why, a cruiser. 

Tony. 'At makes her go ? 

Ruff. Its screw, sir. 

Tony {bewildered). Who-a goes along ? 

NuTT. Why, its crew, sir. 

(Tony, dumfoimded, resmnes his seat,') 

Miss G. I think I'll be going. Archie, will you be walk- 
ing with me ? 

NuTT. Most assuredly. \^Exeiint. 

Gretch. I bane tink he dance mit her, doo. 

Case. Does he really dance ? 

Weber. Dance ? You ought to see dat feller do de Induc- 
tion Coil. 

{Song.') 

Enter Nutt, excitedly. 

NuTT {out of breath). Oh, goodness me, I've had a ter- 
rible experience. Oh, my ! 

Hans. Vot's der madder? You bane scared? 

Nutt. Scared? Oh, gracious, I'm frightened most to 
death. I was walking down the street with Miss Gotrox, when 
who did I see coming toward us but my sweetheart. Oh, ray ! 

Ruff, {doubtfully). A girl in love with you ? (71? Weber, 
aside. ) What must she think of him ? 

Weber. Nothing ; she thinks for him. 

Nutt. Why, I've got the sweetest, dearest, prettiest girl in 
the world. 

Case. What does she look like? 

Nutt. Look like? She's a perfect creation. {With senti- 
ment.) The Great Creator formed all other women first so 
that He'd have the thing down to perfection when He came to 
her. From the dark stillness of the forest He took her eyes, 
hiding in each the twinkle of a star. From the gloomy wings 
of the raven He took her hair, and the beautiful tint of her 
cheek He took from the wild-flowers. Her teeth He took from 
the white snows of winter, and her lips are like the roses of the 
east that the west never saw. Her swiftness and grace He 
took from the antelope. Nobility from the eagle, and gende- 
ness He took from the dove. Her smile He took from the 
sunrise. That is why her smile brings light and joy into my 
gloomy heart. 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK ^l 

Weber. Dat's jes' de way He made my gal, but jes' as He 
war finishin' de job He drap her into de ink pot. 

NuTT (^screaming). Oh, how ridiculous. I'll not stay 
another minute in your company. [^Exity d. c, haughtily. 

Case. He sure is smart all right. 

Ruff. Smart ? Why, dat's hisn interleck. He's more in- 
terleck den brains, en if he keeps on he's goin' ter be all inter- 
leck. 

Weber. Say, I'se been tryin' ter learn de alphabet. What 
comes after ''G"? 

Ruff. Whiz. 

Hans (Japping bell ; enter Hop). Here, boy, here's some 
good instructions on " How to run a hotel." Please see that 
they are carried out. 

(Hop places them carefully in the waste-basket and carries 
all out D. c.) 

Case. Landlord, I have here a note for ^5,000 ; will you en- 
dorse it ? 

Hans. Endorse it ? 

Case. Yes, sign your name on the back of it ? 

Hans. Sure I vill. I know you'll never pay it, so here's 
vere ve haf a laugh at der bank's expense. {Signs paper.') 

Ruff. See here, nigger, dat travelin' salesman's job looks 
like an uplift to me. 

Weber. Looks more like a hold-up. 

Case {turning away frotn desk). Landlord, I saw, as I was 
coming into the hotel, what must have been a fine vegetable 
garden alongside of the hotel. Were you successful with it ? 

Hans. Successful ? Yah, I bane tink so. My neighbor's 
hens dook first prize at der boultry show. 

Case. Well, that's a trick of the trade. 

Ruff, {^pointing to Hans). His trade is full of tricks. 

Hans. Iss dot so ? For vy you say dot ? 

Ruff. Aw, don't I know all about de tricks of your trade ? 
Do you think I've been living in hotels all my life for nothing? 

Weber. I wouldn't doubt it. 

Hop {entering r. i e.). Sir, the cook wants to know if he 
should cook your Welsh rarebit ? 

Hans. Might he could. [Exit Hop. 

Gretch ( going after boy). Here, vait. I bane tink I vant 
der left hind foot of dot rabbit. \_Exit after Hop. 

Case. That boy of yours is surely smart. 



22 AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 

Hans. You bane tink so ? I bane teach him everyting I 
know, und he's still an ignorant fool. 

(Song. After song Tony, reading paper, begins to cry.') 

Ruff. Every time he hears me sing, he starts crying. 

Weber. He ought to put cotton in his ears. 

Hans. Vot's der madder mit you ? For vy you make me 
dose tears in der fiice ? 

Tony. Meester (sobbing) — Meester (sobbing) Rockefel- 
ler, hee's dead. 

Ruff. What's dat got to do vvif you? You ain't any rela- 
tion to him. 

Tony. Dat's-a make-a me cry. (Sobs.) 

Case. Aw, say, are you all going to be pessimists? Wake 
up your optimism, why don't you? Don't you know that an 
optimist doesn't care what happens ? 

Weber. So long as hit don't happen to him. 

Ruff. Say, that statement was pretty smooth, Mr. Case. 

Case. Well, you have to be smooth to get on top these 
days. 

Hans. Und you get smooth on top getting there. 

Weber. If yo' don't put a check to dat interleck of yours, 
Mr. Landlord, you'll be gettin' concussion ob de brain. 

Tony. 'At's-a mean dat concussion you ? 

Ruff. Well, you see 

Weber (to Ruff.). Say, does you know anything 'bout de 
symptoms of concussion ob de brain ? 

Ruff. Why — er — yes. 

Weber. Well, if me en Mr. Case war ter bang our heads 
together, would we git concussion ob de brain ? 

Ruff, (looking from one to the other). Mr. Case might. 

Weber (insulted). You're not very much of a Christian. 

Ruff. Why ? 

Weber. Well, 'cause you fabricates. 

Ruff. Me tell lies? Nothing. I'd ruther be er Christian 
den to lie or be a heathen. 

Case. Why would you sooner be a Christian than a heathen ? 

Ruff. 'Cause — over the Christian the Great Lord watches. 

Weber. Yeh ? — Is dat so ? — Well, over de heathen Ingersol 
watches. 

Case. But Weber, you don't understand that a Christian 
has a reward an' a crown oX clory. 

Weber. Is dat so ? How big is de reward ? 



AT HOTEL ON-DE-BLINK 



23 



Case. Well, that depends on how good a feller has been. 

Weber. Den who does yo' s'pose is gvvine ter git de biggest 
crown ? 

Ruff. Him what's got de biggest head. 

Hop {entering l. i e.). Sir, a gentleman just walked out 
and refused to pay his lunch check. 

Hans, For vy? 

Hop. Well, he ordered three eggs from the waiter and 
wanted them four minutes boiled. 

Hans. Den vot? 

Hop. There was only one egg in the house, and the cook 
boiled it twelve minutes. 

Hans. Dot shows der value of higher edumacation. 

\^Exit Hop. 

Case. That customer didn't display very much gratitude. 

Weber. Gratitude? What's dat? 

Ruff. You don't know what gratitude is ? 

Weber. Nope. 

Hans. Vy, even a cow has gratitude. 

Weber. Den I don't want it. 

Ruff. Well, listen. I'll explain just what gratitude is. 
You remember when we was coming erlong de road in my 
limousine ? 

Weber {amused). Yep. 

Ruff. You remember one day when we stopped for lunch, 
we heard a moaning longside of de road? 'Member dat 1 
found a covered basket in de bushes, and on opening it there 
lay a real live pickaninny ? 

Weber. Yep, a sho' nuf black one. 

Ruff. Yes. Well, remember that it was very cold that 
day, and I took off my great fur-lined coat and lifting the Utile 
pickaninny out of the basket laid it into the warm folds of my 
coat and covered it over. Then when he got quite warm and 
comfortable, in the deepest sense of gratitude the little feller 
looked up at me and said 

Weber. Papa. 



CURTAIN 



COMEDY SKETCHES 

By Julian Sturgis 

A collection of short plays suited for amateur theatricals or high-class 
vaudeville, easy to produce and of high quality. Recommended especially 
for parlor performance. 

CONTENTS 
Apples. One male, one female. 
Fire Flies. One male, one female. 
Heather. One male, one female. 
Picking up the Pieces. One male, one female. 
Half-Way to Arcady. One male, one female. 
Mabel's Holy Day. Two males, one female. 
Twenty minutes each. 
Price, 2^ cents 

IN OFFICE HOURS 

And Other Sketches 

By Evelyn Greenleaf Sutherland 

CONTENTS 

In Office Hours. Comedy Sketch in One Act, five males, foui 

females. 
A Quilting Party in the Thirties. Outline Sketch for Music, 

six males, four females, and chorus. 
In Aunt Chloe's Cabin. Negro Comedy Sketch in One Act, 

seventeen female characters and " supers." 
The Story of a Famous Wedding. Outline Sketch for Music 
and Dancing, six males, four females. 
Price, 2^ cents 

THE SOUP TUREEN 

And Other Duologues 
A collection of short plays for two and three characters. Good qualityt 
high tone and confidently offered to the best taste. 

CONTENTS 
The Soup Tureen. One male, two females. 
Lelia. One male, one female. 
The Unlucky Star. Two males. 
The Serenade. Two females. 

Play twenty minutes each. 
Price, 25 cents 

HOLIDAY DIALOGUES FROM DICKENS 

Arranged by W. E. Fette 

Comprising selections from " The Christmas Carol," " The Cricket on 

the Hearth," " The Battle of Life," etc., arranged in a series of scenes 

to be giren either singly or together, as an extended entertainment. For 

the celebration of Christmas no better material can be found. 

Price, 2S cents 



THE SUFFRAGETTES' CONVENTION 

An Entertainment in One Scene 

By Jessie A. Kelley 

One male, twelve females. Costumes, modern and eccentric ; scenery. 

unimportant. Plays an hour and a quarter. Another of Mrs. Keliey's 

popular assemblages of the floating humor of the Suffiagetie qucstivm. 

Just a string of humorous lines and characters and local hits aimed to r..:se 

a hearty laugh without hurting anybody's feelings. Suited for women'/ 

clubs and for general use in private theatricals. 

Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 
Mrs. John Y xtks, presiding officer. 
Mrs. Silas Curtis, suffragette speaker, 
Mrs. Eben Altman, suffragette speaker, 
Mrs. Eldon Keener, anti- suffragette. 
Mrs. Oscar Dayton, a7iti-suffragette. 
Mrs. Jonas Harding, anti- suffragette. 
Miss Rosab^lle Hyacinth, etigaged. 
Miss Priscilla Prudence, wotdd like to be engaged* 
Miss Anna Helder, great on style. 
Mrs. C«arles Bates, anti-suffragette. 
Mrs. Russell Sager, suffragette. 
Mrs. Francis Wood, suffragette. 
Silas Curtis, who becomes an ardent adtwcate of woman suffrage 

THE QUEEN OF HEARTS 

A High School Comedy in One Act 
By Gladys Ruth Bridghain 
Three males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, a single in 
terior. Plays one hour. Three seminary girls go to the masquerade oil 
the sly, get mixed up there with some students and have a narrow escape 
from detection. Their later anxieties are complicated by the fact that thej 
discover that one of the younger members of their own faculty was also 
there ; but this later suggests a plan by which they escape. Very brigh* 
and breezy and full of fun and action. 

Price, 15 cents 

LOOK OUT FOR PAINT 

A Farce Comedy in Three Acts 

By Cornelius Shea 

Five males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, one interior and 

one exterior. Plays an hour and a half. An elderly maiden, making a 

«* flash " at a summer boarding-house, runs into a young artist with whom 

she has corresponded through a matrimonial bureau. He is anadmirerof 

the landlady's daughter and tells her the facts before the lady has seen 

him. She induces Roamer, a tramp house-painter, to exchange identities 

with his fellow artist with side-splitting results. A capital piece, full oi 

humor and very easy. Recommended for schools. 

Price, 2 J cents 



WILLOWDALE 

A Play in Three Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Seven males, five fe« 
males. Scenery, two easy interiors ; costumes, modern. This is a play d 
exceptional interest and power. Admirably suited for amateur perform- 
ance, all the parts being good. Godfrey is an admirable heavy part, Joel, 
Lem and Simon capital character parts, Mis' Hazey a novel eccentric bit, 
and Oleander a part of screaming comedy. Plays two hours and a quarter. 
Price, 2J cents 

THE VILLAGE SCHOOL MA'AM 

A Play in Three Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Six males, five females. 
Costumes, modern ; scenes, an interior and an exterior, or can be played in 
two interiors. Plays two hours or more. Combines a strong sympathetic 
interest with an abundance of comedy. The parts are unusually equal in 
opportunity, are vigorously drawn and easily actable. No dialect parts, 
but plenty of variety in the comedy roles and lots of amusing incident. 
Can be strongly recommended. Price, 2^ cents 

BAR HAVEN 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Gordan V. May. Six males, five females 
Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors and an exterior, not difficult, 
Plays two hours. An excellent piece, mingling a strongly serious interest 
with abundan*^ humor. Offers a great variety of good parts of nearly 
equal opportunity. Admirably suited for amateur performance, and 
strongly recommended. Price, 2^ cents 

DOWN IN MAINE 

A Drama in Four Acts by Charles Townsend. Eight male, four female 
characters. This play has no villains, no tangled plot nor sentimental 
love scenes; yet the climaxes are strong, the action brisk, and the humor 
genial, and the characters strongly drawn. Can be played in any hall ; 
scenery, of the easiest sort. Properties, few and simple ; costumes, 
modern. Plays a full evening. Strongly recommended. Price, 2^ cents 

HIGBEE OF HARVARD 

A Comedy Drama in Three Acts by Charles Townsend. Five males, 
four females. Modern costumes ; scenes, two interiors and an exterior — 
the latter may be played as well in an interior, if preferred. Plays a full 
evening. A clever, up-to-date piece, well suited for amateur performance. 
No small parts ; all good. Good plot, full of incident, no love-making, 
interest strong and sustained. Price, /j ce7its 

HOW JIM MADE GOOD 

A Comedy Drama in Four Acts by Charles S. Bird. Seven males, 
three females ; two male parts can be doubled. Costumes, modern ; 
scenery, three interiors. Plays two hours. An unusually sympathetic 
play, well suited to amateurs. Clean and easy to get up. Recommended 
to high schools. AH the parts are good, Price^ 2j cents 



MERRY MONEY MAKERS 
A Collection of Entertainments for Church or Lodge 
Performance, Adapted to any Sect or Community 
In this volume we have assembled several entertainments calling for a 
large number of characters such as are in demand for Church and Sunday- 
School performance in order to employ the services of as many of the 
children as possible. With these are offered several other popular pieces, 
new and old. Price, 2j cents 

CONTENTS 

Samantha Snodgrass and the Ladies' The Last of the Peak Sisters. 9 males. 

Aid. 10 females. T females. 

The Annual Picnic of the Muggsville The Rag Doll Party. 4 males, 10 fe- 

Sunday-School. 16 f7iales, 2^ females. males. 

Beresford Benevolent Society, i male, The Summerville Bazar. 21 males, 

7 females. ^1 females. 

The Emigrants' Party. 24 males, 10 fe- 
rn ales. 

SHORT PLAYS FOR SMALL PLAYERS 

A Collection of Entertainments for Children of All Ages 
Bjy Edith Burrows, Gladys Ruth Bridghain and others 
This volume offers eight entertainments, old and new, intended for the 
use of schools and carefully selected to that end. Cleanliness and dra- 
matic interest have been the chief criteria in selection, but the effort has 
also been made, where this could be done without obtruding it, to embody 
improving suggestion. The wise youngsters of this advanced generation 
scent a " moral " afar off and are prone to repel its stern advances, but it 
is always possible to surround the pill of improvement with a palatable 
jam of fun. Price, 2^ cents 

CONTENTS 

The Key. 16 boys^ xT girls. Pat's Excuse, i %, i girl. 

The Children's Hour. •] boys .,12 girls. Grammar School Fun. \T boys, vj girls. 

School Opera. S boys, ^ girls. A Temperance Frolic. 3 boys, a girls. 
ack and the Beanstalk. 3 boys, 3 girls^ and chorus. 



f 



ouquet of Rose Spirits. 8 boys, 18 

girls. 

CLEVER COMEDIES 

For Female Characters 
A Collection of Selected Entertainments for Ladies Only by 

Popular Authors 
This collection gives an admirable opportunity to make choice at a 
small cost of an entertainment for schools or amateur theatricals. All the 
pieces that it contains have been successful as independent books and are 
very varied in casts and character. Price, 2^ cents 

CONTENTS 

A Corner in Strait-Jackets. 8 ladies Gaffer Grey's Legacy. 8 ladies, 

and 3 children. The Governess. 3 ladies. 

The Dairy-Maids' Festival. Any The Grecian Bend. 7 ladies, 

number of young ladies. A Sad Mistake. 6 ladies and ehorut. 

A Daughter-In-Law. 4 ladies. Slighted Treasures. 4 ladies, 

Eliza's Bona-Fide Offer. 4 ladies. To Meet Mr. Thompson. 8 ladUs. 



THE VILLAGE POST-OFFICE 

An Entertainment in One Scene by Jessie A. Kelley. Twenty-two 
males and twenty females are called for, but one person may take several 
parts and some characters may be omitted. The stage is arranged as a 
country store and post-office in one. Costumes are rural and funny. 
Plays a full evening. Full of " good lines " and comical incident and 
character. Strongly recommended for church entertainments or general 
use ; very wholesome and clean. Price, 25 cents 

MISS FEARLESS & CO. 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Belle Marshall Locke. Ten females. 
Scenery, two interiors ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. A bright 
and interesting play full of action and incident. Can be strongly recom- 
mended. All the parts are good. Sarah Jane Lovejoy, Katie O'Connor 
and Euphemia Addison are admirable character parts, and Miss Alias and 
Miss Alibi, the " silent sisters," offer a side-splitting novelty. 
Price, 2^ cents 

LUCIA'S LOVER 

A Farce in Three Acts by Bertha Currier Porter. Eight females. Cos- 
himes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. A 
bright and graceful piece, light in character, but sympathetic and amusing. 
Six contrasted types of girls at boarding-school are shown in a novel story. 
Lots of fun, but very refined. Easy to produce and can be strongly 
recommended. Price, 2^ cents 

A GIRL IN A THOUSAND 

A Comedy in Four Acts by Evelyn Gray Whiting. Fourteen females. 
Costumes, modern ; scenes, three interiors and an exterior. Plays a full 
evening. Very strong and sympathetic and of varied interest. Irish 
comedy; strong "witch" character; two very lively "kids"; all the 
parts good. Effective, easy to produce, and can be strongly recommended 
as thoroughly wholesome in tone as well as amusing. Price, 2^ cents 

MRS. BRIGGS OF THE POULTRY YARD 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Evelyn Gray Whiting. Four males, seven 
females. Scene, an interior ; costumes, modern. A domestic comedy 
looking steadfastly at the " bright side " of human affairs. Mrs. Briggs is 
an admirable part, full of original humor and quaint sayings, and all the 
characters are full of opportunity. Simply but effectively constructed, and 
written with great humor. Plays two hours. Price, 2^ cents 

TOMMY'S WIFE 

A Farce in Three Acts by Marie J. Warren. Three males, five females. 
Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. 
Originally produced by students of Wellesley College. A very original 
and entertaining play, distinguished by abundant humor. An unusually 
clever piece, strongly recommended. Price^ 2^ cents 



A FOUL Tir 

A Comedy Drama in Three Ac«:s 

By Charles S. Allen 
Seven males, three females. Costumes, modern; scenery, one exterior 
scene, not changed. Plays two hours. The safe at Irving's factory is 
robbed and three persons are under suspicion, which finally settles most 
strongly on Verne Gale, the hero, who, to protect Hal Irving, old Irving's 
son, whom his sister Nellie loves and whom he believes to be the real cul- 
prit, keeps his mouth shut save for protesting his own innocence. 
"Uncle " Tim Purdy is loyal to him and, with the aid of Pete Adams, the 
colored pitcher of the Westvale nine, finally discovers the real culprit. A 
strong play with unusual strength and variety of character and abundance 
of humorous lines and incidents. Very highly recommended. 
Price, 25 ce7its 

CHARACTERS 

Tim V\:kdy, postmaster, chief of police and storekeeper at Westvale, 

Hiram Rowell, the village expressinan. 

Oliver Irving, manufacturer. 

Harold Irving, his son. 

Verne Gale, manager of the Westvale nine. 

Pollard, Irving s bookkeeper. 

Pete Adams, colored pitcher on the Westvale nine, 

Almira Purdy, Tim^ s wife. 

Mabel Remington, Irving s stenographer. 

Nellie Gale, Verne' s sister. 

Members of the ball team, villagers, etc, 

DADDY 

A Comedy in Three Acts 
By Lilli Huger Smith 
Four males, four females. Costumes, modern ; two easy interiors. 
Plays an hour and a half. Mr. Brown exhausts all the resources of 
science, including smallpox and diphtheria signs, in an endeavor to keep 
away the admirers of his daughter whom he wishes to keep at home. He 
finally asks Dr. Chester, who is privately in love with her, to help him to 
dissuade her from becoming a trained nurse. The doctor does so by 
marrying her himself. Very clever and amusing; full of wit and of high 
tone. Strongly recommended. 

Price, 2§ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Mr. Wrexson '^KO^'ii, just like his fellow men. 

Teddy Brown, his son, pursuing football at college. 

Paul Chester, a young doctor. 

Thompson, the Brow7ts butler. 

Mrs. Wrexson Brown, just like her felloivivomen. 

Nellie Brown, her daughter, a debutante. 

Mrs Chester, Mr. Browns sister, pursuing ill-health at home, 

Iane the Browns cook. 



A NEW START 

A Comedy in Four Acts 
By C. A, Pellanus 
Seven males, two females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors 
jc'lays an hour and a half. A very funny play intended for performance 
6> boys or youtig men. 

CHARACTERS 
Mr. W. Wrightup, alias \ a medical 

Dr. PaiL Graves. R.S.V.P., P.T.O. j student. 
Michael Spowder, his servant, from I'ipperary. 
CoLOWEL Ailment, a patient. 
Miss O'Phee, a patient, 
Thomas Wrotter, an ambitious youth. 
Mrs. Langwidge, his aunt, of British origin. 
Mr. Percy Veering, an attorney. 
A Laboring Man. 

Pricey 75 cents 

TOO CLEVER BY HALF 

A Comedy in Three Acts 
By C. A. Pellanus 
Six males, two females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. 
jP*lays an hour and a quarter. Very lively and funny ; intended for per* 
ibt»nance by boys or young men. 

CHARACTERS 
JUDGP Simeon Adams, a well-to-do, kindly, pompous old bachelor. 
Miss Burgess, his housekeeper. With matrimonial schetnes. 
Nathan Dean, the village constable. Fat-witted, and gullible. 
Howard Foster, a Pinkerton detective. Too clever by half. 
Monsieur Gaspard, a Chef d' Ore hestre. 

A ^HARP [ ^^^^^^^^^'^^' Britishers. 
L(/.s. Wordy, landlady of the village inn. 
Price, /J cents 

THE FIRST DAY OF THE HOLIDAYS 

A Comedy in Four Acts 
By C. A. Pellanus 
Six male characters. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays 
an hour and a half. An exceptionally brisk and humorous piece intended 
for male characters only. 

CHARACTERS 
Prof. B. Willdard, a naturalist. A short-sighted old man. 
Job Shirker, a shoemaker. Envious of other men s success. 
Joseph Shirker, his son. A tramp. 
Henry Copper, a police officer and a duffer, bom in England. 

JmBovi^BER } '<^h<^'iboys. Impertinent and full of high spirits. 
Price f /J ceuis 



A REGIMENT OF TWO 

A Farcical Comedy in Three Acts by Anthony E. Wills. Six males, 
four females. Modern costumes. Scene, an interior, the same for all 
three acts. Plays a full evemng. A lively, up to-date farce, easy to pro- 
duce and full of laughs from beginnnig to end. All the parts good — no 
small ones. German comedy chai'acters for both male and female, and 
*< wild west " character part and English character comedy. Strongly 
recommended. Price ^ 2J cents 

MISS BUZBY'S BOARDERS 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Five male, six fe- 
male characters. Costumes, modern; scenery, two easy interiors. Plays 
two hours. In a lighter vein than this writer's other pieces, but just as 
strong, and offers plenty of comedy. All the parts good ; four call for 
strong acting. Several good character parts and effective heavy character. 
Dialogue especially good. A sure hit. Price, 3j cents 

VALLEY FARM 

A Drama in Four Acts by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Six males, six females. 
Scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Costumes, modern. An admirable 
play for amateurs, very sympathetic in theme, and with lots of good parts. 
Hetty is a strong lead, and Perry Deane and Silas great parts ; while 
Azariah, Lizy Ann Tucker and Verbena are full of fun. Plays a fu\^ 
evening. Price, 2j cents 

THE MISSING MISS MILLER 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Harold A. Clarke, Six males, five fe- 
males. Scenery, two interiors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening, 
A bright and up-to-date farce comedy of the liveliest type. All the parts 
good ; full of opportunity for all hands. Easy to produce and strongly 
recommended. Good tone ; might answer for schools, but is a sure hit for 
amateur theatricals. Professional stage rights reserved. Price, 2j cents 

OUT OF TOWN 

A Comedy in Three Acts by Bell Elliot Palmer. Three males, five fe- 
males. Scene, an interior, the same for all three acts; costumes, modern. 
Plays an hour and a half. A clever and interesting comedy, very easy to 
produce and recommended for amateur performance. All the parts good. 
A safe piece for a fastidious audience, as its theme and treatment are alike 
beyond reproach. Price, 2^ cents 

GADSBY'S GIRLS 

A Farce in Three Acts by Bertha Currier Porter. Five males, four fe- 
males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, an exterior and an interior. Plays an 
hour and a half. An exceptionally bright and vivacious little piece, full 
of action. Gadsby's adventures with the fiancees of three of his friends 
are full of interest and fun. All the parts good. Well suited for high 
school performance. Price, 2^ cents 



B. CU* Pinero's Plays 

Price, 50 ee:it6 Cacb 



Mfn THANNFT ^^^^ ^" ^^^^ ^^^^- six males, five females. 
luil/-\^lli^l^llJULi Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. 
Plays two and a half hours. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH li:tr'^^^S\ 

males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all Interiors. 
Plays a full evening. 

THF PRnFITPATF Playln Four Acts. Seven males, five 
1 IlLi r I\\Jl LiiyjtX I £1 females. Scenery, three interiors, rather 
elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF QPHnni MIQTDFQQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, 
in£i iJV^nUl/l^lTUi3iI\.JLi3t3 seven females. Costumes, mod- 
ern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY |g.'\t"/,.^?v'e 

females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a 
full evening. 

QWFFT T AVFNriFR Comedyln Three Acts. Seven males, 
■JTrEiLii Li/WUilLrCiIV four females. Scene, a single interior, 
costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

TUI7 THITMnfDRni T Comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, 
iriEi inUlTUEiIVDUJH nine females. Scenery, three interi- 
ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF TIMFQ Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
iriLM ULiIlaO Scene, a single interior ; costumes, modern. Plays 
a full evening. 

THF WFAIfFP ^FY Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, 
1 ri£i YY £ii\I\.£ii\ iJJliA eight females. Costumes, modern ; 
scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE ^f^rSil^oiTflmi!^!: 

Costumes, modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Walttv 1^. pafeer $c Companp 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 




016 215 228 2 



'Cfje 5S^illiam Waxxtn Ctiitton 
of Paps 



A^ Yflll I \UV IT Co™e<iy i^ Five Acts. Thirteen males, four 
AD IVU Lilt\.L It females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- 
ried. Plays a full evening. 

rAMIT I F ^rama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
\*AaULiLth tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

INfiOM Aff ^^*y ^^ ^^"^^ Acts. Thirteen males, three females. 
lilUUiUitJ\ Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

MAPY ^TIIAPT Tragedy in Five Acts. ~ Thirteen males, four fe- 
1T1AI\1 OlUAAl males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

TBE MERCHANT OF VENICE SS,tr.!?e!i7m1;!e1: SSL\^" 

picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

RirHFI IFII Plt^y ill Fi'^e At'ts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
IVlVllLMtrt) ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
evening. 

THF RIVAIS Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. 
IIILf niTAlvtJ Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a 
full evening. 

SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER SX^Li? ffiTliet^'Icen^/rva" 

rled ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 

TWELFTH NMT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL I'Z^^JiL'. 

three females. Costumes, pictures.que ; scenery, varied. Plays a 
full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

l^alter !^, TBafter & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



6. J. PARKHILL a CO., PRINTERS, BOSTON, U.S.A. 



